Monday Meme: First child.... Second child... Third child... Any children after...

Every time I’ve seen this meme, it just makes me chuckle. Thinking back to our first child, it's rather amusing what was worrisome as a new parent.  As time goes by, and more children arrived, experience began to teach us to trust ourselves, and not a book, or friends, or even family.

For us, the first three children were our "firsts" since they were so close in age, they almost seemed like one. If one had to wear a hat, then they all did. Shoes? You betcha. Start solids at six months, well, yes! Not walking by a year, better call the doctor. And, cookies before dinner?? Hardly. And then we started watching them. The children. They looked good. Rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes.  Attitudes, yes, but we adapted. I always thought God sent us the children we needed, for a particular time of our lives. But I didn’t want to trust. A quiet, calm one after a rambunscous hooligan? Nooo, something must be “wrong”. But the cries of “Lord, Help me!” did not fall on deaf ears. He does know what we need! A little craziness to break up the perfectionism.  Each child a gift with his or her own manual to uncover.  A little dessert before dinner. Because it’s gotta be better for them than dirt.

"Parenting" a Parent: The Beginning

Back in the day, when we were having babies, I remember that fleeting moment, when we’d find out the next baby was on the way, of wondering how am I going to handle one more?! Sometimes it’s not a new baby that God puts in our path.

It started out as any other day, that day a year and a half ago. It’s the end of summer, planning for the new homeschool year, getting the calendar organized with the all the usual activities coming up. Another child getting ready for college life. Gardening, goats, good times. In the previous week, David has been back and forth on the phone with his older brother. Their mother, who lived about an hour from her older son in Virginia, didn’t seem to be doing well but he couldn’t explain.   David called Mom and she sounded about the same as she usually did on their weekly phone calls. He tells her he’s flying out to Virginia the following week to visit her. We had discussed in the past that at some point she wasn’t going to be able to manage alone. She adamantly refused offers to move in with us, or her other son, or go to a nursing home. David thought it was time to make some decisions.  And then her friends started calling. And then THE call from his brother.  He’s at Mom’s house and she doesn’t look good. He’s taking her to the Urgent Care. David books the next flight out that he can. I remember feeling this was all surreal. I remember praying, “Lord, keep him safe and help him get there in time.”

And David is off. At the home front, we pray for Grandma. Lord, what do we do? And pray some more. The Hail Marys go flying off my lips over and over. David arrives in Virginia and his brother picks him up and takes him back to the house. He is shocked at what he sees. A woman who has traveled to all the continents, hiked up mountains, showered with elephants, changed airplanes more times than I’ve changed shoes, can’t get up out of her chair. The visit to the doctor didn’t reveal anything amiss. So they sit. Brother goes home. We talk on the phone. What to do? He tells her somehow, he’s going to have to get her here, to Michigan, at least temporarily. She’s refusing. They get through the evening, and David starts loading up her car with “important” stuff, not sure how or when. The next day he takes her to the E.R. Something has to be wrong. Nothing. The next morning is Sunday, and David calls as we are leaving for Mass. He thinks he should stay in VA and see her regular doctor on Monday. And that’s when it comes to me, “Get in the car and start driving. She needs to be here.” He puts her in the car, says, "I haven’t see the mountains, so let’s go take a look." And he drives. And drives some more.  And she realizes he’s on the “wrong road” to the mountains. And they continue home.

And so began our adventure in “parenting” a parent. Readjusting our lives to include one more. One more? How do we handle one more?! With the Grace of God we do. The ups and downs, the ins and outs, He is waiting for us to ask to be included. Reach out. Grab His hand and be blessed with His strength. Oma (German for Grandma), as she is now known, is healthy and thriving in her new home, here with us. Learning what it is to live our faith. One. Day. At. A. Time. With one more.

To be continued...

Monday Meme: Catholic Weight Loss??

Bear with me on this one as I attempt to explain a Catholic Weight Loss observance I am doing for Lent this year...

Dieting for Lent?  Hmmm, can that be done?  Can that be a sacrifice to offer up to Him and grow closer to Him in doing so?  We already fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, so why not incorporate some extra fasting by choice throughout the week....

(Quick side note:  I'm not a fan of skinny jeans, nor do I wear them, nor do I allow my girls to wear them)    But....  I do like the chocolate reference here, especially tied to the possibility of losing weight.  Yes, many people give up chocolate.  So much so that Matthew Kelly is encouraging people to try something new than the same ole same ole of giving up chocolate this year.  But if chocolate is a vice for you and a way to unite that suffering to His, then by all means, continue to give it up!!

My fasting this year has been many years coming.  For 14 years now, I've either been pregnant or nursing, so I haven't been able to do much with fasting.  (other than the giving up chocolate or coffee or Mountain Dew or sweets).  But only one full meal on Ash Wednesday or Good Friday have more or less been out for me.  Not this year though!  Not pregnant.  Not nursing - my little guy weaned himself a month ago (waaaaaah!).  But it was God's perfect timing and just in time for Lent!!

Two Lents ago I was really inspired by one of my closest friends.  She fasted three days a week for both breakfast and lunch, but did allow herself one helping of food at dinner time (so they still ate dinner as a family - we all know how important family meal time is!!).  To get through the day, she allowed herself to eat bread when her body needed it.  As her belly grumbled and rumbled throughout the day, it was that constant reminder of that sacrifice she was making for Him and to rely on Him to get through the day.  And, get this - by the end of Lent, she had lost 10 pounds!!  (she got me there!!)  After 8 babies, I have some extra weight to lose.  You calculate those last few pounds that are so hard to shed times my 8 babies, well, yeah, you know what than comes to!  ....around 25 pounds!  Oy!!  Is losing this amount of weight my goal for Lent?  Nah, I'll be happy to lose even 10.  Even losing 5, I'd be thrilled!!

I've made it through 5 days so far - Ash Wednesday and the Friday after, and then the Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of the first full week of Lent.  And today I start my second week of fasting on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.  I am tweaking my friend's fast a bit and not doing the bread throughout the day.  My hubby has done some fasting over the years and said the bread/water allowed sometimes makes it harder and makes you more hungry, so he suggested I go cold turkey.  Cold turkey, it is!!  Thankfully, I keep pretty busy from the time I wake up til that dinner time hits, so truly it has been doable to do this.  I am very reliant on prayer throughout the day, for sure.

Here's a peek at my fasting days....

My belly rumbles and grumbles constantly at me all.  day.  long.  From the time I get up and my feet his the floor.  When I'm showering and getting ready for the day.  Feeding my 8 kids their own breakfast.   Grumble.  ++Lord, be with me+  Teaching them school.  Giving the baby snacks.  Rumble.  ++I need You++  Teaching more school.  Giving baths.  Grumble.  Rumble.  ++Help me do this!!++  Running to activities/classes.  Reading books.  Rumble.   ++All for You++  Making lunch.  Grumble.  Serving lunch.  More school.  More running to and from.  Rumble.  Grumble.  Phew - time to make dinner.  ++Thank you, almost there...++  It's getting closer!!  Rumble.  Grumble.  Family dinner time!  I get to eat with my husband and eight great kiddos!!  Yippeee!!  

++thank you, God!!++

So, there's my take on a Catholic Weight Loss program for Lent.  And because I highly doubt I'll lose the full 25 pounds that my body could lose, I may continue with a plan similar to this after Lent., if even for one day a week.  It can be such a blessing to sacrifice and fast from food like this and lift up your heart and rumbly grumbly belly to Our Lord to help you get through it.

And before I send you all off, I couldn't help but share a little wisdom from some holy ones who have gone before us and paved the way on true beauty.  Because truly, it is not about how much we weigh, or skinny or squishy we are, etc... it's about the beauty of our soul and the JOY of our Lord living in and shining through us...

"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul."

~Saint Augustine

 “The only ones who are truly beautiful are those who look beautiful when they come in out of the rain. That kind of beauty comes from the inside out, not from the outside in. It is the product of virtue, not rouge; it is not skin-deep, but soul-deep.”

~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

 “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

~Mother Teresa

Friday Feasting: Best Dinner Rolls

Best Dinner Rolls

"One of my favorite things to make in the wintertime is bread! Normally, the woodstove is going, generating lots of heat and I get a good rise from the dough. While the directions are for kneading by hand, my wrists are shot (carpal tunnel syndrome) from years of making the Eucharist Bread for our parish, years ago.  So, I throw everything into my Bosch mixer to knead for 6 minutes, instead. Kitchen-aid should work, if you have one of those."

Ingredients

2 pkg active dry yeast (4 1/2 tsp)
Pinch of sugar
2 Cups warm water (110-115F)
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup oil (I use olive)
2 tsp salt
6-7 cups all-purpose flour

Directions

PROOF the yeast with sugar in water for 5-10 minutes, or until it "blooms."

Whisk eggs, 1/2 C sugar, oil and salt together, in large bowl. Add yeast mixture;  whisk to combine.

Stir 3 C flour into the egg mixture using a wooden spoon.  Add more flour, 1/2 c at a time until it becomes too stiff to stir. Turn out onto a floured work surface and knead by hand.

(If using a mixer with dough hook, proof yeast in bowl. Then add additional ingredients to bowl, as directed above. )

Knead dough until it's smooth, but still soft, adding a little flour at a time if dough is too sticky.  Place dough in a bowl coated with non-stick spray and cover. Let rise in a warm place, until double in size, 1-1 1/2 hours.

Punch dough and gather into a ball. With floured hands, shape pieces of dough into balls, about the size of golf ball for small buns; a little smaller than a baseball for dinner size buns.

Arrange on a grease baking sheet, about 1/2 inch apart. Cover rolls with a towel and let rise again until they are doubled, about 45 minutes. Preheat oven to 350F.

Bake rolls about 20-30 minutes, depending on size, until golden, then brush with melted butter and garlic salt. Cool slightly before serving.

Mercy, Mothering, and that Difficult Child

I'm certain that Pope Francis declared the Year of Mercy explicitly for me. Ok, well maybe that's
exaggerating a bit, but let me run with the idea anyway! I have this amazing 4 year old boy (#6 in the
line up of 8) who is very special. Well, they're all special, but this guy is particularly special right now! The aforementioned 4 year old is a unique blend of several personalities in our family – not necessarily a good thing some days. He's sensitive, funny, sharp as a tack, picky,and goofy all wrapped up in the same kid.

You know how you think a child is just going through a phase. You might say things like, “I know this is just a phase, he'll grow out of it.” Or “Surely, she's just tired and needs more rest.” And then all of a sudden you realize it isn't a phase. They continue to complain about strings on clothing from age 18 months to 4 years with no end in sight. Or they can't stand when the food on their dinner plate touches. Maybe this kid is just made the way he is and will always be difficult to some degree. And this, my fellow mothers in the trenches, is where the Year of Mercy was declared just for us (me)!

After raising X number of children, gathering real life experience with each subsequent child, one
might think expert, master, or pro are appropriately earned titles attached to our God-given title of Mother.  Unfortunately, just as soon as you tag one of those titles on, we usually get a dose of humility. Just as soon as we think we've figured out how to get Sally asleep, Jane comes along and won't have anything to do with our new found bliss.

Sleep patterns, fashion choices, eating likes/dislikes, coping mechanisms, and so forth will all be
different with each child and you just can't predict how it's all going to turn out. This makes parenting
in general and motherhood more specifically, very challenging to say the least. So I got to #6 in my
own line-up and the 4th boy so I figured he was going to be super simple to figure out. LOL!!!! Every day is different with him, actually every minute is different with him.

In spite of this seemingly difficult child, God calls me to love him just the same as the other 7 children who call me mom. The funny thing is, or at least I chuckle at myself, I'm the one who needs to change, not my sweet boy. I'm the one who needs God's mercy, His forgiveness, His Grace found new everyday in order that I may love my child the way in which he deserves. The “Year of Mercy” is helping me to do so in meaningful and tangible ways that I had not considered before.

Children are a gift from a God – bottom line. They don't have to be anything special or do anything great to be this gift. As they are, imperfections, quirks, vices, and virtues, these children we aim to get to Heaven are simply and purely gift. So how in the world does something so sweet and innocent cause so much angst in the life of a mother? How can we wrestle the feelings of love and disdain that run rampant through our hearts?

Here is a simple yet helpful way to embrace the “Year of Mercy” and also help to build a better
relationship with that “difficult” child:

• Desire to Change
• Ask God for help
• Start small
• Keep praying

Honestly, it almost looks like the steps to preparing for a good confession, but that makes perfect sense because that's where we can feel God's mercy in such a tangible way. Lately, I had been super frustrated because I keep praying for help to mother my sweet boy but I felt like I was just stuck in a rut and acting the same way toward him almost shunning him at times. Then I had a light bulb moment at Mass the other day --I was missing one of the steps. I want to change, I asked for help, and I was sort of praying about it, but I wasn't implementing any changes in my own behavior. Light bulb!!!  All this time that I've been asking for help God has been answering, but I wasn't responding back with an earnest effort. If I want to change I need to make a concerted effort to try some new things with my little guy. Once this sunk into my heart and mind, I was able to take some small steps toward loving my difficult child in whole new ways.

Now with the Lenten season upon us in the midst of the “Year of Mercy” I'm feeling as though there is an abundance of God's grace to draw from. He wants me to ask Him for help, He wants you to ask for help, because ultimately He wants us to live out our vocation to the best of our ability and then to be happy with Him forever in Heaven.

So if you have ever or are currently parenting a difficult child, take some time to reflect on my simple
way to build a better relationship with him/her. Dive into the “Year of Mercy” if you haven't already
and run full steam into Lent and you'll find an abundance of God's grace just waiting for the taking.