God, family, everything else. Those are the priorities my parents taught me. The list is streamlined, but it is not so clear. Look at the second priority: family. Spouse and children, but does one come first?
I am blessed with a loving husband and five healthy, robust sons. Our daily activities were quickly filled, but we were determined to keep our relationship going. We never let a day go by without saying, “I love you.” Sometimes it was just a whisper at midnight, but we said it.
Within one particular year, our youngest three boys were diagnosed with autism, with typical symptoms of nonverbal, self-abusive, tactile and sensory issues. Obviously, my younger kids required A LOT of attention. I was a self-employed, stay-at-home mom who faced unsurmountable challenges daily.
My husband worked 10-12 hours frequently. At times, I felt alone. However, when he came through the door, he’d pick up the pieces of whatever I couldn’t do. If it was dinner or laundry, he finished it. Quite often, he simply gave me a hug. We then did what needed to be done. We ended each day with “I love you.”
Although our lives were crazy with therapies and doctors, my husband and I recognized our relationship first. By our example, we knew we were teaching our boys about love, marriage, and sacrifice.
We’ve all heard that about 50% of marriages end in divorce, but that rate skyrockets to over 90% when the couple has a child with special needs.
The relationship between spouses can never be secondary. Just like fruit of the tree is the result of a healthy tree. When the tree is not watered, the fruit will shrivel up. A good or bad marriage effects children in a similar way. Children learn what they see and hear.
Beautiful post, Sheryl! It sounds like you and your husband have really learned to work together as a team. Do you have any suggestions for women whose husbands are not necessarily team oriented or responsive to their wives' desire to have a better marriage?
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