Monday Meme: God Never Makes a Mistake

Years ago I was haunted by the thought that I could only make defective kids.  I had five boys, all diagnosed with special needs. Then I miscarried my sixth.  Six babies.  None perfect.  “Defective babies” tormented me.  Prayer ranged from screams to whimpers, and gave little peace or solace.  I often wondered if the Good Lord ever made a mistake.  How does He expect me to raise these boys?

People have offered words of encouragement, such as, "You'll be fine." "You're strong." "You can do it." "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Really?

Dear God,
I really have NO clue what to do here.  I think you have me mixed up with someone else.
Waiting for my replacement,
Me.

A replacement has never come.  So onward I go with a ton of questions.  Why did God give me boys with disabilities?  How can I raise them to be the men He wants them to be?  How long do I keep pushing them?  Will they be independent?

Dear God,
Help me.  Guide me.
You know who,
Me.

I wish I had the answers.  I muster strength to do what I think is right.  I try.  I fail.  I muddle through.  The years have been tough, but somehow I am still here!  The boys have progressed beyond what doctors ever thought possible!

Now, a mom will ask, "How do you do it? How do you manage?  How do you not go insane?" I smile, and I answer, "I don't do it; it’s not me." The mom might smile back or think I'm crazy.

I explain, “I pray a lot.” The boys' progress and my sanity are acts of faith. I am not always fine, and certainly not always strong. I have shed a tear or two. I have indulged in an occasional "pity party". Then I pick myself up and go.

Dear God,
What do you want done today?
Me.

Prayer has always been the key.  Whether that scream, whimper, or quiet silence, I can look back now and see God’s hand.  Daily, God gave me MORE than I could handle.  Daily, I had a choice of trusting Him or not.  HE has been the source of strength and courage.  He is the reason I am still here.

The Good Lord definitely knows what he is doing.  I still have no clue.  However, I see my boys thrive in their endeavors. They still have a tough road ahead, but they give a lot of people with autism hope.  I still cling to God to see it all to the end.