May 25, 2016
Satan, the author of fear
Satan is the author of fear.
It is so simple a line. So rife with substance and implications.
I feel fear often, but I wouldn't call myself a worrier. When I reflect on why God has blessed me with a healthy dose of confidence (definitely over-healthy at times - just ask my siblings, friends, husband, parents, etc.), I honestly have to stop at the "blessing" part. I have never faced significant tragedy in my life. My parents love me and are still together and will be together till death. I have a husband who is faithful, children who are happy and relatively healthy. I live in a house with acreage and the most beautiful backyard you’ve ever seen! He has blessed me so profusely, I feel like an ungrateful WRETCH just thinking about being fearful.
Could this confidence in “Be Not Afraid!” be learned somehow? Have I just developed a habit over the years of looking at the good side of things and being the eternal optimist (which can be just as annoying as the whining pessimist, I’ve been told.)? I can remember in high school writing a research paper on the physical benefits of being an optimist, so maybe I have always been this way. In all my optimism, I imagine someone could learn how to think more positively with “just a little practice!” I know that is not realistic, though. I also know that life experiences that are not as positive as mine have been, can shape and mold a person in ways that are seemingly too difficult to overcome.
But even with all this “flowers and sunshine” in my pocket, in my human frailty, I, too, succumb to fear.
“Will everyone – ok, the majority – like what I cooked for dinner?”
“Will I be able to survive the summer pregnant, in my 40’s, with 7 other children who want to go swimming and camping?”
“Will I endure labor and delivery again?”
“Will our baby be as healthy as the others?”
“What am I going to do for school next year when I’m huge and tired in September and then a newborn in October?”
“It would be smart to put some meals in the freezer…who has time for THAT??”
SO…even if I can’t TEACH you how to be unfearful, I can reassure you that when these feelings of despair creep into my head, heart and life, I have refused – REFUSED – to allow them to make me scared. Not even Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton as president scares me because He has won!! The idea of either of them sitting in the Oval Office makes a chill run down my spine, no doubt, but what will come, will come.
Also, just the fact that I know…Know…KNOW that Satan WANTS me to be afraid, brings out that girl who wags her finger in the air and says “Oh, no you DON’T!!”
I give thanks for the saints out there I know who are praying for me. God bless my angel. I turn to Mother Mary for strength to endure, and I know…Know…KNOW my Jesus has taken care of it all.
Peace be with you all.