A Family Christmas Tradition

One of our favorite family traditions is a simple gift exchange, dressed up with friendly, family competition, and focusing on the recipient.  This is one of the easiest ways we taught our autistic sons about giving.

Drawing names of family members is an event in itself.  We usually serve sparking apple cider or some kid friendly beverage that is special.  We write our names on a square piece of paper, fold, and put in the hat.  Going from oldest to youngest, or youngest to oldest, or some predetermined order, we draw the names.  We keep it secret for about 30 seconds.  The mystery is part of the fun.

Then we reveal who we drew and try to determine who will go shopping with whom.  We go in teams.  Mom and Dad "captain a team" and each take two boys shopping. The first team to purchase gifts, return home, AND gift wrap said presents and put them under the tree won. The prize is usually the losing team makes hot chocolate for the winning team.

After dinner on the 24th, we open our family gifts. We open the gifts in the opposite order of how we drew names. It is simple fun for just the immediate family.

So we think about the other person.  The boys have tried to buy what they wanted, but we ensured they purchased what the recipient wanted by having a list of what each boy wanted ahead of time.  As the years have progressed, the boys initiate the process now.  Some of the boys have moved out, but they return to continue the tradition.  That is the best present of all.

P.S.  A red bow on a shopping bag counted as wrapped.

Monday Meme: Our Children: Problems or Problem Solvers

How much time do we waste striving for perfection?  Will we ever learn that perfection will always elude us? However, we should still aim to improve.  What a balance!!  We need to challenge ourselves, but we also need to know when to stop.

When it comes to our children, we often push for the better time in a race, a better grade on a test, or better performance on that instrument.  While all those goals are worthy, we need to consider the sacrifice.  Is something else being neglected?  Is our push towards greatness increasing character in a positive way, or is it crushing our children's spirit?

I have three children with autism.  For years, they have had therapies focusing on their weaknesses. My kids need to do this or say that.  Painful hours.  At some point, I had to think outside the box.  My kids may never be able to do things that neuro-typical kids can do, so why are we, the therapists, doctors, teachers, and family all focused on pushing for those "normal" goals?  We should be looking at different solutions that my boys can use to accomplish those goals.  What I mean is my boys may achieve the "normal" goal in an unusual or unorthodox way.

 I looked at my sons' strengths and found many.  I changed how their therapies were done.  We focused on what they could do to help what they couldn't do.  Their worlds changed overnight.  Suddenly, they were happy.  They could accomplish tasks.  They were smart.  They could do things!

Simply by changing focus of what they can't do to what they can do made a huge difference.  No longer were my boys "incapable" or disabled.  They just solved problems differently than others.  They were now seen as problem solvers vs problems.  Big difference.

Our children can surprise us.  Capitalize on what they can do, and see just what else opens up!  Our children will see themselves as doers.  Our children can become self-reliant, a skill necessary for adulthood.

Whether our children have disabilities or not, our children all have the same goals of being loved, accepted, and successful.  How we see them and what we tell them matters.  If we constantly criticize, our children will learn to criticize.  We need balance.  Of course, we need to correct wrong doing, but we need to celebrate right doing.

Just how often do we parents celebrate that?  We need to celebrate the positive more than correcting the negative.

Also posted in...

http://sherylscript.blogspot.com

a blog about life with autistic teen boys

Monday Meme: God Never Makes a Mistake

Years ago I was haunted by the thought that I could only make defective kids.  I had five boys, all diagnosed with special needs. Then I miscarried my sixth.  Six babies.  None perfect.  “Defective babies” tormented me.  Prayer ranged from screams to whimpers, and gave little peace or solace.  I often wondered if the Good Lord ever made a mistake.  How does He expect me to raise these boys?

People have offered words of encouragement, such as, "You'll be fine." "You're strong." "You can do it." "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Really?

Dear God,
I really have NO clue what to do here.  I think you have me mixed up with someone else.
Waiting for my replacement,
Me.

A replacement has never come.  So onward I go with a ton of questions.  Why did God give me boys with disabilities?  How can I raise them to be the men He wants them to be?  How long do I keep pushing them?  Will they be independent?

Dear God,
Help me.  Guide me.
You know who,
Me.

I wish I had the answers.  I muster strength to do what I think is right.  I try.  I fail.  I muddle through.  The years have been tough, but somehow I am still here!  The boys have progressed beyond what doctors ever thought possible!

Now, a mom will ask, "How do you do it? How do you manage?  How do you not go insane?" I smile, and I answer, "I don't do it; it’s not me." The mom might smile back or think I'm crazy.

I explain, “I pray a lot.” The boys' progress and my sanity are acts of faith. I am not always fine, and certainly not always strong. I have shed a tear or two. I have indulged in an occasional "pity party". Then I pick myself up and go.

Dear God,
What do you want done today?
Me.

Prayer has always been the key.  Whether that scream, whimper, or quiet silence, I can look back now and see God’s hand.  Daily, God gave me MORE than I could handle.  Daily, I had a choice of trusting Him or not.  HE has been the source of strength and courage.  He is the reason I am still here.

The Good Lord definitely knows what he is doing.  I still have no clue.  However, I see my boys thrive in their endeavors. They still have a tough road ahead, but they give a lot of people with autism hope.  I still cling to God to see it all to the end.