Monday Meme: Positive Attitudes

Dear MOMS,

We may be stressed.  Just thinking of what needs to be done today can be overwhelming.  Sigh.

I have to do this…
I need to do that…

Change that thought!

I want to do this…
I get to do that…

Smile!  😀

Positive attitude can influence so much.

ImPerfect Motherhood

I told my then two year old son, Nick, to use his fork while eating.  He complied.  He picked up his fork in his right hand, and proceeded to feed himself with his left hand.  Not exactly what I pictured or expected, but he did what he was suppose to do.

That illustrates motherhood.  Not exactly what I expected, but what it is suppose to be.

I've not been a perfect mom, but I've been busy raising perfect children, five boys to be exact.  It is a work in progress.  I must continually "guide" my perfect boys.  Correct them, admonish, encourage, enlighten, cheer, etc.  The list is endless, but at some point, they will be perfect young men.  HA.  A mom must have a sense of humor.

My boys are almost grown.  If I could do it over again or give a young mom advice, I'd not sweat the small stuff.  However, I'd pay attention to the small stuff.  It's those silly moments of mistakes or unpredictable moments that make the memories.

One of my favorites was five years ago.  I purchased raw milk to the tune of $10 a gallon.  I told my boys that they had to be careful to not spill.  Of course, one of them spilled the full glass of "white gold", and they all became statues.  No one said a word, but simultaneously, they all moved their plates and started lapping up the spilled milk off the counter.  It was the funniest moment.  My boys became human vacuums, and there was not much milk left to clean.  Not one drop hit the floor.

And they were shocked when I laughed.

Then there was the time I was teaching the boys how to sort laundry and load the washing machine.  Sort by color and run a full load.  So my Nick, about ten at the time, sorted the whites and the darks.  Since neither load was full, he put both loads in, but the whites on one side and the darks on the other.  Then he ran the machine.  I had been home to see the loads sorted, but then left, thinking he had it down.  The picture tells a different story. 

To read that full story, click here.

Again, I had to laugh, and I kept teaching.

I was not always laughing.  I have shed many tears.  My heart broke when my youngest three were diagnosed with autism.  Working with teachers, therapists, and doctors, even priests, and family members... my boys are working or going to college, something beyond what the specialists thought ten plus years ago.

Prayer and laughter are a must to any mama.  We all have our journeys with our children.  Each one special.  Love them and enjoy them.  They grow up too fast.  The days go slowly, but the years speed by quickly.

I now lament the two miscarriages more than when they occurred.  I'd have a 14 and a 4 year old.  Of course, they'd be boys.  Garrett and Caleb.  I can only dream what their lives would have been, but this is also a part of motherhood.

A mother's love is the only love that, if successful, is the parting of the two.  Three of my boys have moved out.  They have had their struggles, but they call and we talk.  Maybe they take my advice or not.  That is ok.  I have done my best, and they are young men making their way in the world.

Now I look forward to grandchildren. Yes I have two, but I'd love more.  

We are an Easter people (even when we don't feel like it)

He is Risen! He is Risen, indeed! Alleluia! Such happy words! Such joy! It is Easter week and we rejoice in our Savior.

But what if our alleluia feels a bit half-hearted, what if we can't muster that true deep joy that we know we are supposed to feel?

Mamas, Lent is a beautiful time that takes us into the desert. It interrupts Ordinary Time and calls us to focus, to look within, to sacrifice, and to lay ourselves bare, pruning ourselves for the glorious feast of Easter when we celebrate the Victory our Savior has won for us. But aren't there times in this vocation where Lent doesn't start with Ash Wednesday and end with Easter? Aren't there whole seasons of life that feel like Lent?

I want to write an Alleluia post. I want to share the joy that is overflowing from my soul! But this year, Lent came early and it doesn't feel over. I am deeply grateful to my Savior. I can ponder the Passion and give thanks for the Resurrection. My voice got choked up singing all those Alleluias on Easter Sunday, but still I felt like I was in the desert while surrounded by flowers. Past Easters have been glorious. I truly felt that passing from death into new life. Not this one.

Are you there? Been there before? If you know what I'm saying you probably felt some guilt, some thought that you were doing something wrong. Why isn't God pouring those graces you need into your soul? Surely, you are missing something. But, mama, it's not your fault. And you aren't alone.

We are a tired, striving lot, mothers and women. My crosses in this season might look nothing like yours, but they are real, yours and mine. Maybe this Easter is boundless joy for you, but it comes after a season of dryness you thought would never end. Or maybe you are in that place where consolation is rare and barely discernible. You just can't fix what you desperately want to fix and you can't figure out why it's so hard. And it is hard. I know it's hard.

When confessing the state of my soul, my temper, my discouragement, my worry, and really near despair at times, right before Easter, Father said that God must really love me a lot to allow this suffering, this lack of consolation in my life. He said that my perseverance, even if that looks like just going through the motions, is so beautiful to God. He sees us, mamas! He hears those aspirations and pleas you send up because you don't know what else to do. He knows our hearts. Our striving and even our worry are beautiful to Him because it shows the depth of our love. But we must remember that worry is not from Him, and striving, whether it is striving to serve our family or fix their problems, or striving just to keep it all together, often ends up us taking on crosses and burdens that He has not asked us to take up.

I was begging for prayers, again, from a dear group of friends, and a sweet, beautiful mama told me this, " I don't think there can be anything more beautiful to God than you, a mother struggling on without consolation in the darkness of this fallen world, her arms full of her children's needs and every moment filled with an ache to heal and help them. Do you know how beautiful you are? Even Mary didn't solve everything for her Son. There is nothing on earth wrong with things going well and enjoying life, but it is because the sword is piercing your heart that you are so close to Mary. She feels you next to her, even if you can't feel her. Rest in her motherhood; Mary didn't carry the cross for Jesus, she just loved Him through it and was there."

My friend wrote this to me, but it is true for every one of you mothers who carry on in darkness. To be a mother is to ache for your children, whether it's colic, or growing pains, or broken hearts, or a battle for their souls. To be a mother is to strive for more, always. But today, stop striving and worrying. Go to Mary. Stay close. Rest.

Easter will dawn in our hearts when we finally surrender. We don't have to feel it today to hold fast to the knowledge that the Victory is Won! Consolation will come. There will be rejoicing and a feast overflowing with graces that will erase the darkness and bathe us in Light!

Tired mama still waiting in the desert, trust in this. He sees you and you are loved. You can do this.

We are an Easter People. Alleluia!

A Perpetual Yes

It might seem that the expectations on us as mothers are never-ending...right?!?!  Between the ordinary, daily activities like laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. and the extraordinary pulls on our time including transporting kids to activities, Church committees, visits with friends in need, don't you feel the pressure to get it all done and to do it well?  Maybe I'm alone, but somehow I doubt it, somehow I just know that you feel overwhelmed and under appreciated just as much as me.

The irony is that we put the expectations on ourselves.  We are the ones placing so much pressure on our daily to-do lists. We spend our days and nights emphasizing productivity over living and we're surviving instead of thriving!  But the One who created us, loves us, and knows exactly what we need to do every day to spend eternity with Him in Heaven...all He asks of us is to say yes to His will for our lives.

We put more pressure on ourselves than God!  It's not that He doesn't have high expectations….to whom much is given much is expected...but He only asks us to do or accomplish what we are able to within the time He's given us.  I'm fairly certain God doesn't expect you and I to run full speed from 6am when our feet touch the floor to 11pm when we finally lay our heads back down!!!  However, more and more that's what I'm doing and many of my friends find themselves doing.
 
When we say yes to what God has planned and we do it daily I just know that our daily lives will look and feel differently.  Asking Him to help us be present in the moments He gives us makes such a difference.  I know because I've prayed that prayer. I've asked Him to make me present to my kids, for example, and to not miss special moments with them and He's delivered well beyond my expectations.  He's helped me to focus on the people in my life, building the relationships, not constantly issuing commands and dictating school lessons.

Our goal should just be to keep saying yes, it should be our perpetual response to whatever God asks of us, whether it's going to be easy or difficult.  That simple yes, our willingness to do as He asks, is our path to Heaven.

Monday Meme: Messages with Love

Messages with Love

 

This morning I promise myself to be patient and loving. I will not yell.  I want a peaceful home. I will not yell.  Two minutes pass, and chaos surrounds me.  Kids want this, and husband needs that.  I just smile. 

 

I am armed with ammunition of love.  When faced with challenges of lost shoes or siblings arguing, I say nothing.  Instead, I give a heart.  Shooting a heart may be more appropriate in a house of five boys, but there are enough projectiles flying via their toys.  On the heart is the message, whatever the message needs to be.  The recipient reads it, thanks me kindly for the reminder, and we both move on.  Tranquility…

 

Reality is different.  If I give my kids candy hearts, they’d be on a sugar high.  They’d also learn quickly to misbehave so they could get candy.  However, this idea of candy hearts may not be all bad for me.  It’d remind me to speak with love, to ensure whatever I say is spoken to encourage or teach.  It could remind me to address just that issue and not drone on.  Too often, I yell at those I love dearly.  I react instantly instead of taking a moment to think.  A message on a heart from me reminds me to speak from the heart—with love and make that my reality.

Nineveh 90 Challenge for Moms

Have you heard of Nineveh90 yet?  What is it exactly?

" Nineveh 90 – the 90 days from February 13 to May 13 – is inspired by the excellent program – Exodus 90 – designed exclusively for men by Fr. Brian Doerr and others. I strongly encourage men to sign-up for Exodus 90 (sign-up HERE), and use it for our 90-day journey.

For our Nineveh 90 journey, which includes both men and women, we are embracing the great values of mortification, a support system, and the research in the behavioral sciences that says 90 days is about the time needed to change bad habits. We will also be using some of the tried and true supernatural elements. Namely, the Brown Scapular, 54 Day Rosary Novena, and the 33 Day Preparation for Marian Consecration."

(taken from the Nineveh90 website) 

There are ten elements of the Nineveh 90 Challenge (check them out on the link listed above).  But, here's the kicker, it is super duper intense and scared me right away.  However, a friend of a friend opened my eyes (in a discussion on FB) that we, as moms, are already doing the Nineveh90 but in slightly different ways. For me in particular, I'm doing the Nineveh 9-kids. Ha!!  She is exactly right!

So I thought I'd come up with a list of sacrifices that many of us moms already do on a regular basis, but maybe grumble about more than we should, instead of accepting them more gracefully and putting in the love that we should.  Here's what I could come up with (and a huge "thank you" to my friends that helped me add to this list and complete it)...

Nineveh 90 Challenge for Moms:

• Taking more time to snuggle my baby and enjoy her being little

• Stop what I'm doing and watch and listen to kids play (stopping and slowing down to hear them jabbering and playing can be an opportunity of prayer and thanking God for them)
• read aloud to kids (this snuggle and bonding time is priceless)
• play with kids 
• cook for and feed kids three meals a day

• teach kids
• Eat last every time 
• Eat cold food (which was once warm)
• Drink cold/lukewarm coffee (which was once hot)

• Trying harder to find joy in the everyday and in the littlest of things.
• Having a schedule that is completely controlled by the demands and needs of these littles (ex: all our plans for today are canceled b/c stomach flu hit - ugh!)
• sleep - huh? What's that? Sleep is for the birds! I play "whack a mole" all night with babies and toddlers that wake up at random times
• accepting the un-done.... the messes, the laundry, the dust, the cleaning, the grading, etc.... you can't get to it all regularly. Accepting this as normal is huge. 

•  accepting the "fluff" of carrying many babies that just seems to stick around and lack of time/energy to get rid of it 
• making eye-contact with each child and smiling at them at least once a day 
• finding little ways to let your husband know you love him and do not be offended when he doesn't return or notice your kindness
• love our husband and tend to his needs
• praying together as a family - seems more like a wrestling match. Definitely not the quiet serene moments you hope and long for. 

• do stealth fasting...fast from whatever works well for you, but if you refrain from something and are invited into that thing, accept. Like give up sweets, but if a child offers you a bite of their cookie, accept (I actually had an opportunity to do some fasting last Lent - I wasn't pregnant and I wasn't nursing.  Here's what I did)
• facing many struggles and feelings of inadequacy in parenting

And most important of all - do all this with JOY and a smile upon your face!

And, obviously, maybe some of these items do not apply to you.  Maybe you are already gifted in one of those areas and it isn't really a struggle for you.  I wanted to include many items - items that I do face on a regular basis and/or something I have had to wrestle with at one time or another.  Maybe you could pick a few of these items and work on doing them more cheerfully and lovingly, as if doing them for Christ himself.  

"And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection."                 ~Col 3:14

What else would you add?  Please share in the comments!!

The Lie of Productivity

I am living in the world of Tiny Baby.

Oh, yeah, he's cute.

But he's gassy. And fussy. And babies like that need mama to hold him. And nurse him. And hold him when he's screaming. And nurse him till he falls asleep and then sit there with him for two hours.

I can remember my first baby being like that. I sat on the sofa for hours, devouring 1300 page Tom Clancy novels and knowing I needed to be cleaning or cooking, but he was my first. I felt entitled to just sit there and soak him in. I would feel terrible when my husband came home from work, and I would say to him, "If I moved, he would wake up! I tried to lay him down, but he just wakes up again!!" (This was before I learned about swaddling and in the hey day of "Back to Sleep". I've since learned swaddling is Heaven-sent and lots of babies don't die if you put them on their stomachs!)

I felt so bad because I felt as if I didn't have a "productive" day. I really couldn't get anything extra done on top of the minimal things I needed to get done. And it was TOUGH for me to deal with! My dear husband THRIVES on how much he gets done, and he is constantly thinking of the next thing or the next day and projects. He admires people like himself, too, so it was really difficult for me because I felt like I was letting him down.

Fast-forward fifteen years and seven more babies later: this #8 boy-child of mine is just like his big brother. I don't know what's going on in those guts, but it is NOT conducive to Mommy getting stuff done!!  I think because I was so active up until the end of this pregnancy, too, it made a huge difference. I was "getting it done", and then I wasn't.😩 Also, there are just a *few* more plates I'm spinning with 8 children, homeschooling, public high school, co-op, Sunday school, etc., etc., etc.!

Why do I place productivity so high? Do I place it TOO high? Am I so proud in the way I want my house to run, to look, to smell that I lose sight of what's most important??  I'm sure many of you know what it's like to hold that tiny baby in your arms not really wanting to put him down because you know he'll be so small for such a short time, BUT BUT BUT dinner needs to be made, laundry, kids are outside with no shoes and it's 52 degrees!!

Yin yang. It's such a difficult dichotomy to have to live. A house FULL of stuff to do, and trying to pretend it doesn't exist so you can enjoy your baby time or toddler games or painting nails with your tween or listening to a story from your teenager about the crazy people on his bus.

I want to give you pearls of wisdom here. I want to say this baby has made me realize XYZ and now I'm sharing it with you to make it all better. I will say I think that Satan is behind the idea that productivity is the most important goal (or acting like it is) for a mother.

I'm a tired mama. But I love it. Would do it again in a heartbeat. Not easy, no, no, no; but I love the journey of self denial. Over and over again. It's hard to do patiently, but it feels so good when you get it right.

Even just once.

Monday Meme: Not Qualified

If you are a Marie Bellet fan, you probably know this line from her song "How Do I Look to You," and you're probably singing it now. You're welcome. :-)

I discovered Marie Bellet's music seventeen years ago, when I was pregnant with my fourth. She was performing at the NACHE conference in Manassas, Virginia, but I was tired so we left early. The second day of the conference, everyone was talking about how wonderful she was, so I bought her CD. I listened to it and cried the whole way home. Seventeen years and four CDs later, I still cry when I listen to her.

Marie sings about motherhood, especially being a mom of a large family, and she sings about Catholicism. She sings about grocery store lines and not perfect marriages and exhausted mornings and welcoming another baby later in life. And she sings about failure and redemption. She is a step or two ahead of me in life and each new CD has been perfect timed to help me through each stage. (Pretty sure baby #9 was a result of her song "Nine More Months, One More Time"! 😉)

When I was a young mom and trying to figure it out, she sang "Does it Make a Difference?", asking God what difference the daily life of a stay at home mom with lots of little people could make. And God answered, "have some patience, teach my children, be a light for all you see. Life is loving, so mind the details, wrap it up and send it to me. And what a difference there will be."

When I was a little more confident, but busy and maybe a little discouraged, she sang "there will come a time with no constant interruptions, confusing all my senses, my reason, and my rhyme, and how my heart will leap to find one backpack in the hallway, and the promise of a face and a story just for me" in "Ordinary Time".

When I was really tired, she encouraged me with A New Springtime. And as my children were growing and began leaving, she sang about that too. She sang about letting go and getting older. She has one song about a son deployed to the Middle East and while my son was there (and even now) I cried and cried through that song, relating to being a mom, waiting and worrying.

All through her music is self-examination and refocusing on God. But don't think her music is somber or depressing. It can be fun, and it's always inspiring. The most important thing is that what she shares as her struggles, is what we moms go through, maybe not all of it, but enough, and it is a validation that we are not alone. We aren't the only women who cry in front of the sink at night, or spend our time saying "if only". She admits to buying books she won't read and having clothes in her closet that don't fit. She admits to being cranky and not be able to keep up with her life. And she admits to thinking others are probably doing it better. And often, she looks up and asks God why.

Ladies, we aren't alone. You may be a great homemaker, and I'm a lousy one, but I may be able to stand constant chaos and chatter and you just can't. We are different but we are the same. Our hearts burst with love and concern, and often some guilt thrown in. We all have our times when we call out to God and say "Does it make a difference?" And our times when we are done and all we can say is "Thy Will Be Done."

I cannot encourage you enough to buy her CDs, listen to them until they are part of your thought process, cry and be comforted. She has been an light through this journey for me. And I just want every mom to have that in her life!

(The song from the meme is "How Do I Look to You?" Marie does this wonderful thing in her songs...repeating a phrase but changing the meaning. So she starts by asking God how she looks to Him, but ends by realizing that she needs to look TO Him, and asking how she can do it. I could quote her all day, but just get the CDs! Lol!)

One more thing, my children have grown up singing her songs, and I know that will be a gift in their adult lives.

Marie Bellet CDs at Amazon

Monday Meme: Come, Follow Me

Being a stay-at-home mom can be a lonely thing.

Yes, I do have seven people around me all day long wanting a piece of my wisdom, but honestly…you don’t feel very wise when you say (for the 4,000th time), “When you take the car out of your brother’s hand without asking first, he’s going to hit you in the head.”  Then your husband comes home and has all these lovely adult tales from work, and all you have to offer to “How was your day?” is the dilemma you’re having choosing a pre-algebra math book for your 8th grader.  Boorrr-iiinngg.

So I’ve been trying to school plan for the past two weeks, and it’s coming very slowly.

Yes, I’ve tried all the tricks, “Play a game or build a puzzle with your child, and that small 10 minutes will make them feel loved and acknowledged, and they will give you some space to get done what you need to get done.”  Ummm, yeah.

So, in bright, optimistic moments, my mind goes to a good place, and I say to myself, “I am SO popular!  How nice to be so loved and wanted and needed. “

I know there will be a day not so long away where I will yearn for the days when I had little ones trying to crawl up in my lap when I just need to find the best deal on a used version of that history book!

Until that day of blessed efficiency comes, I will fight that demon that wants to yell and say ,“JUST GIVE MOMMY A FEW MINUTES!!”

Because right now…I’m a rock star to my kids.  (Right?  I mean, they don’t just love me for the food, right?  Or the fun places I take them?)


P.S.  I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about how really, really focusing my identity in Christ vs. what I’m getting/not getting done at home or how much my children like me or whatever I fix for dinner.  Thanks, Olympic athletes doing awesome witnessing!!

A Guilt-Free Mother: Fantasy or Science Fiction?

I just read a book. That in itself is an accomplishment because finding time to sit and read really does not exist in a family of teenage boys. Seriously, with all that has been happening in my life, I thought it was time to read this book that a friend gave to me years ago.

The book, Guilt-Free Motherhood by Joni Hilton, is an easy read, and it offers typical, common-sense advice. However, I found that other moms simply laughed when they saw the title of the book. I have to agree. Is any mom ever guilt-free?

One friend quietly queried me, "What genre is it, fantasy or science fiction?" At first, I didn't know what she was talking about because she asked so softly. She glanced at the book. AHHH! I replied, "Both." We laughed. After a few minutes, I corrected myself. "It's a comedy." She thought that was a better description. My conclusion is that trying to be a guilt-free mother is actually all three: fantasy, science fiction, and comedy.

What other job requires relentless imagination to solve problems? What career demands unlimited patience to overcome obstacles? What profession necessitates an endless sense of humor to relinquish perfection? Motherhood entails this and so much more!

One comment in the book is worth mentioning. The author advises to let kids know that I enjoy what I do for them. Basically, if I resent giving my time and effort, it isn't a gift of love. I took this further, that this gift can also be rejected. Sometimes my kids don't want what I've done for them. That is a hard pill to swallow, especially when I've sacrificed to accomplish that task. However, that is love--a willing sacrifice for another. It's also a choice for the other person to accept it or not.

I also think that guilt is not all bad. Guilt can keep us moms on our toes. Just like I try to teach my boys that they can learn from their mistakes, so can I. Then move on. Don't dwell, but do learn.

It helps to have some room for fantasy, science fiction, and comedy in motherhood!

Monday Meme: Mom Vacation

This is so true!  There are just days (most) where I need a break from the noise, the chaos, the craziness...even when it's all good.  Ten people, eight under the age of 13 makes for a household that is only (truly) quiet for like 6 hours a day.  So don't feel like you're weird for finding enjoyment in grocery shopping alone or rejoicing when you get to go to the bathroom alone – I'm right there with you momma!!

Open the Eyes of My Heart

It seems like lately I have not been able to focus or even recognize the joy and beauty in parenting my oldest, sweet daughter.  Please don't take that as a knock on parenting or on my child. As anything in life, there's ebb and flow.  Sometimes I feel like I've got a handle on the situation and sometimes I don't. Well, this weekend God blessed me with perspective and I will be forever grateful for that moment.

Grace shines when she's on stage and loves to sing her sweet heart out.  God has blessed her with a lovely voice and I get such a kick out of hearing her sing (just like her daddy). This past weekend, she starred as Serena Katz in Fame, Jr. for the park district summer theater program. I've watched her on stage in four other shows this past 18 months and enjoyed every last one of them. However, this time it was like I had new glasses on.

There she was, center stage, singing and dancing beautifully. I wasn't looking at Serena Katz, really, I was looking at my sweet little girl growing into a beautiful young lady. Oh did I cry. The tears just welled up and fell down my smiling momma cheeks.  Right in front of my eyes, my oldest child was growing up.  Wow!  Where did the time go?  How did this happen?  It was like God was giving me a fresh perspective, a reminder that His work in her isn't done, but that so far she's pretty amazing. 

I needed that moment.  I needed to see Grace right where she belongs using the gifts that God has given her to recognize that she is indeed growing up into her own person. All of a sudden, I realized that parenting this lovely young lady doesn't have to be like what the world says about raising tweens and teens.  I know there will still be ebb and flow.  We're going to argue and disagree, but I know that I can't make her into something she's not.  There will be good days and bad days for both of us.

For so long, I've been focused on the tough stuff, the bad days, the arguments all the while my sweet girl has been growing up into a young lady.  I don't want to focus on the tough stuff anymore.  I want to focus on all the amazing things that make my sweet Grace who she is and who she will become.

 Maybe you've been having some tough days mothering a particular child or children, that's okay. For just one moment, though, stop and ask God to give you eyes to see what you've been missing. Ask our Heavenly Father to bless you with a moment of joy that gives you new perspective.  I promise He will deliver!

Monday Meme: 940 Saturdays

There are only 940 Saturdays between your child’s birth and when they leave for college.  What a sobering thought!

I have spent a good amount of time lately assessing and analyzing our family life. I also spend time in prayer, asking for much needed help to do the best I can with my limited time with my children. Much of my prayer time is consumed with the following questions:

• Is my family life the way I would like?
• Are we being kind to one another?
• Are we spending our time fruitfully?  What is working? What needs to be tossed?
• Am I too distracted by technology? Are my children too distracted by technology?
• Do I have balance with outside events and inside events, knowing that I need to spend time on my own pursuits and so do my children, but home comes first?
• Thinking of each child and myself individually, what virtues or habits do we need to develop? What interests or strengths should be encouraged?

I have the privilege to parent children from 21 years down to 23 months right now.  Looking at my oldest son holding my youngest really brings home the fact that these years are fleeting. Before I know it, my youngest will be 6 feet tall, possibly holding one of his nieces or nephews in his arms. By taking time to take an honest look at our life and the way we spend our time, I hope to make the most of the time we have together and to help my children become the young adults God wants them to be.

Monday Meme: The Connection Between the Heart of a Mother and the Heart of Her Children

I think the realization of what this meme says becomes clearer and clearer as my children get older. There is nothing in the world that can prepare a woman to understand the God-given, grace filled connection between a child's heart and her own. Maybe that's too cliché. Maybe I'm just being an emotional, over-worked, under-rested mom of 8. That's what some folks might say anyways, but I'll guarantee that no mother out there will disagree with me.

When kids are little, the connection is new. Mommies bond with their babies in a myriad of ways and that special connection continues to grow. As toddlers, the joys and sorrows are so simple to fix and the tears dry up almost as fast as they fall. A bumped head, hurt feelings, and sibling rivalry are a piece of cake in comparison to the heartaches that come with adolescence.

I clearly remember the first time my husband and I had to punish our oldest child for lying. I think I might have cried harder than her because it was in that moment that I realized that I can't fix everything. Some consequences, some hurts have to be experienced for our kids to grow...for us to grow. In those moments and through those experiences, a mom's heart aches.

There are lots of happy, heart-soaring moments, too. Like when you feel the grace just beaming from a child who just had their First Reconciliation or another child finally reaches a goal they set. A mom's heart feels those happy moments right along side the sad ones.

I'm only 12.5 years into being a mom so I am certain my heart will continue to be stretched with ups and downs of more teenage years and more toddler years (with 8 kiddos, that's a lot of years). So as my mothering journey continues, my prayer is that I can joyfully appreciate the special grace-filled connection that I have with each of my children whether it means tears or smiles or something in between!

Monday Meme: First child.... Second child... Third child... Any children after...

Every time I’ve seen this meme, it just makes me chuckle. Thinking back to our first child, it's rather amusing what was worrisome as a new parent.  As time goes by, and more children arrived, experience began to teach us to trust ourselves, and not a book, or friends, or even family.

For us, the first three children were our "firsts" since they were so close in age, they almost seemed like one. If one had to wear a hat, then they all did. Shoes? You betcha. Start solids at six months, well, yes! Not walking by a year, better call the doctor. And, cookies before dinner?? Hardly. And then we started watching them. The children. They looked good. Rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes.  Attitudes, yes, but we adapted. I always thought God sent us the children we needed, for a particular time of our lives. But I didn’t want to trust. A quiet, calm one after a rambunscous hooligan? Nooo, something must be “wrong”. But the cries of “Lord, Help me!” did not fall on deaf ears. He does know what we need! A little craziness to break up the perfectionism.  Each child a gift with his or her own manual to uncover.  A little dessert before dinner. Because it’s gotta be better for them than dirt.

Mercy, Mothering, and that Difficult Child

I'm certain that Pope Francis declared the Year of Mercy explicitly for me. Ok, well maybe that's
exaggerating a bit, but let me run with the idea anyway! I have this amazing 4 year old boy (#6 in the
line up of 8) who is very special. Well, they're all special, but this guy is particularly special right now! The aforementioned 4 year old is a unique blend of several personalities in our family – not necessarily a good thing some days. He's sensitive, funny, sharp as a tack, picky,and goofy all wrapped up in the same kid.

You know how you think a child is just going through a phase. You might say things like, “I know this is just a phase, he'll grow out of it.” Or “Surely, she's just tired and needs more rest.” And then all of a sudden you realize it isn't a phase. They continue to complain about strings on clothing from age 18 months to 4 years with no end in sight. Or they can't stand when the food on their dinner plate touches. Maybe this kid is just made the way he is and will always be difficult to some degree. And this, my fellow mothers in the trenches, is where the Year of Mercy was declared just for us (me)!

After raising X number of children, gathering real life experience with each subsequent child, one
might think expert, master, or pro are appropriately earned titles attached to our God-given title of Mother.  Unfortunately, just as soon as you tag one of those titles on, we usually get a dose of humility. Just as soon as we think we've figured out how to get Sally asleep, Jane comes along and won't have anything to do with our new found bliss.

Sleep patterns, fashion choices, eating likes/dislikes, coping mechanisms, and so forth will all be
different with each child and you just can't predict how it's all going to turn out. This makes parenting
in general and motherhood more specifically, very challenging to say the least. So I got to #6 in my
own line-up and the 4th boy so I figured he was going to be super simple to figure out. LOL!!!! Every day is different with him, actually every minute is different with him.

In spite of this seemingly difficult child, God calls me to love him just the same as the other 7 children who call me mom. The funny thing is, or at least I chuckle at myself, I'm the one who needs to change, not my sweet boy. I'm the one who needs God's mercy, His forgiveness, His Grace found new everyday in order that I may love my child the way in which he deserves. The “Year of Mercy” is helping me to do so in meaningful and tangible ways that I had not considered before.

Children are a gift from a God – bottom line. They don't have to be anything special or do anything great to be this gift. As they are, imperfections, quirks, vices, and virtues, these children we aim to get to Heaven are simply and purely gift. So how in the world does something so sweet and innocent cause so much angst in the life of a mother? How can we wrestle the feelings of love and disdain that run rampant through our hearts?

Here is a simple yet helpful way to embrace the “Year of Mercy” and also help to build a better
relationship with that “difficult” child:

• Desire to Change
• Ask God for help
• Start small
• Keep praying

Honestly, it almost looks like the steps to preparing for a good confession, but that makes perfect sense because that's where we can feel God's mercy in such a tangible way. Lately, I had been super frustrated because I keep praying for help to mother my sweet boy but I felt like I was just stuck in a rut and acting the same way toward him almost shunning him at times. Then I had a light bulb moment at Mass the other day --I was missing one of the steps. I want to change, I asked for help, and I was sort of praying about it, but I wasn't implementing any changes in my own behavior. Light bulb!!!  All this time that I've been asking for help God has been answering, but I wasn't responding back with an earnest effort. If I want to change I need to make a concerted effort to try some new things with my little guy. Once this sunk into my heart and mind, I was able to take some small steps toward loving my difficult child in whole new ways.

Now with the Lenten season upon us in the midst of the “Year of Mercy” I'm feeling as though there is an abundance of God's grace to draw from. He wants me to ask Him for help, He wants you to ask for help, because ultimately He wants us to live out our vocation to the best of our ability and then to be happy with Him forever in Heaven.

So if you have ever or are currently parenting a difficult child, take some time to reflect on my simple
way to build a better relationship with him/her. Dive into the “Year of Mercy” if you haven't already
and run full steam into Lent and you'll find an abundance of God's grace just waiting for the taking.

Monday Meme: What kind of mom are you?

Choice A:

Choice B:  

First off, I want to share that I'm not the fit-into-a-perfect-box type of mom. I can relate to choice A because overall, my house is relatively clean.  Tidy and somewhat clean, but many families of dust bunnies reside in our house.  I try to make a "place for everything" and that helps a TON.  But to be honest with you all, there are 10 people living under my roof.  TEN!!  

10 sets of coats/sweatshirts

10 sets of shoes

10 sets of clothes

10 sets of hobbies/collections/toys

6 students and their paperwork/schoolwork

2 adults with paperwork/stuff/junk from our 35+ years of life  ;)

Whether it's two or ten or six or five, it's a LOT of stuff.  A lot of mess.  And, only a handful of us regularly pick up after ourselves somewhat well.  

Second, I very much dislike these comparison meme's, so I don't even want you to answer the question.  I think moms (at least me) can get down when I start to compare and see how much better and lovely and beautiful and perfect another mom has it - whether it be her house, clothing, hair, curriculum choices, blog, car, etc...  We need to be happy with US.  The perfect being that God created US to be.  Moms need to team up and be on the same team.  Stop with this comparison junk.  And be happy with the gifts and talents in others, rather than falling into the comparison trap, that can lead to getting you down or even jealousy.  So, just stop!   Let us encourage, compliment, and lift each other up.  Let us love one another and the person God created us to be!  

"If any one says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen."

~1 John 4: 20

And if we want to do any comparing, let it be to the person we were yesterday or last week or last year.  We can reflect on our own successes and failures and change our lives according to this more healthy type of comparison.  We should always strive to be a better mom today than we were yesterday.  

"Act today in such a way that you do not need to blush tomorrow."

~St. John Bosco