A Case for Patience and Praise

When my husband and I were first married, we attended RCIA classes.  I had been poorly catechized growing up and he was Southern Baptist and wondered WHY we had to go to my church every Sunday.  I didn’t know the answers, and thus…we took the classes.  For me it was GREAT!!  It opened my eyes to why I was claiming to be Catholic and reaffirmed my belief that I needed to be in “my” church every Sunday, not every OTHER Sunday.  At the end of the classes, he had not been swayed to convert, but appreciated the fact that I felt more convicted than ever to practice my Catholic faith.

One image I’ve always taken from that class was a married couple in their 70’s.  He was finally converting after all those years.  She didn’t seem exceptionally excited, but sat there quiet and calm.  I recognize it now as divine trust.  She just KNEW he would end up coming to the Faith one day, you could just tell.

Fast-forward a few years for us…babies coming and the journey of parenthood has begun.  We were in a town where the local Catholic church was not a good one.  My husband, used to the preacher feeding you spiritually with his words, was starving.  In desperation, I reluctantly agreed to attend church services twice on Sundays, one at the Catholic church and one at the Baptist church (which happened to be across the street from each other).  It wasn’t easy.  Church in general isn't easy when you have two little boys and you’re a new mother.  You have expectations of church behavior that just isn’t possible for a toddler and a baby.  The Baptist church had a nursery, but I hated leaving my baby with someone I didn’t know.  You couldn’t bring them into the main sanctuary because as soon as they made one little peep, the “why isn't that baby in the nursery” stares started boring through you.

That set-up didn’t last long.

Suffice it to say that we’ve been through a rocky spiritual journey in our almost-18 years of marriage.  I’ve been pushy with the Catholic faith in the past, but I learned better.  He’s never been one to be public and forthcoming with his spiritual journey, and that’s been difficult for me. (I LOVE talking religion!). I’ve fought resentment as I believed the father is *supposed* to be the spiritual head of the household.  He’s endured spiritual deserts as he accompanied me and the children week after week and year after year to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days.

He didn’t have the Eucharist to fall back on, you see.  For my husband, it was more about the man giving the homily, and most of the Catholic priests were NOOOO Baptist preacher!

As the years went by, we moved to a town and finally found a Catholic parish where there was reverence for the Holy Mass and Eucharist, the priest is a wonderful homilist, and the people automatically feel like family.  This past year, my husband’s job changed, and he worked a “normal” 8-5 M-F schedule.  We had never had this luxury for most of our marriage, and it allowed him to commit to attending Mass with us every Sunday.  I suggested that he just go to the RCIA classes while we were in Sunday school.  No pressure.  Promise.  

All through the year, I hadn’t asked him more than “How was your class?”  Sometimes he would open up and talk about the people in his class, the questions they had and even some questions he had.  I didn’t prod too much.  It wasn’t until the week before the Rite of Election that I asked him, “What’s the deal??  Are you going to do this or not?  Because it’s next weekend when you stand up before the Bishop and ask him to accept you, and you haven't told me anything yet.  And I have things on the calendar already for Saturday that I’ll need to change if you’re going to do it, so are you going to do it?”  (All that came out in about 3.2 seconds.)

“I am.  I am going to do it.”

**Cue tears and hugs from wife.**

Years ago I gave his conversion over to the Holy Spirit.  I knew that it would never be able to come from me or anything I said or pushed.  It was going to come more from how I lived my faith than anything else. (No pressure!)

If you are struggling with a similar issue, I beg you to be patient, trust in God, and leave it up to His time.

Because He is all-wise and all-good.

Please welcome Bryan Anderson…Home.  And all Glory be to God!

How my Faith Helps me Worry Less

My husband and I have been trying to find a way to shorten his very long commute. He commutes over two hours each way to Chicago from our exurban, bucolic neighborhood. We’ve prayed and prayed, been close to some promising jobs over the last few years, and finally found a job with a shorter commute in a suburb of St Louis. Commute times are significantly shorter in St Louis, and our prayer has been answered in an amazing way.

Together, we prayed the 30 day prayer to St Joseph, and asked his help to move our family, and to find us a home where my husband can have a normal commute. He answered the prayer swiftly and definitively. We had outside confirmation from one of my husband’s coworkers that she understood through prayer that this was God’s will for our lives.

So why, now, when our prayer has been answered, am I filled with worry at the details of the relocation?

I think the answer lies in my prayer life. When I get too busy to pray, I forget to keep handing things over to God. I start spinning my wheels. I start worrying about the “what ifs?” God didn’t intend it to be this way. He knows us so well. He knows we need the intercession of the Saints, and a reminder that we are not in charge, and life is better when we keep turning our struggles and worries over to him, large and small.

“Deliver us from all Anxiety,” – words placed near the very heart of the Mass  - point to the reality that worry is a universal part of the human condition.  This frequent reminder that I am not alone in my worry, or my struggle, or my reclamation of the problems I should have turned over to God gives me hope that others have struggled with their anxieties and, through God’s unfailing and ever present help, have been delivered and set free.

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Linking today's post up with the Catholic Women Bloggers Network April Blog Hop!!  Click on the image below to see what others are sharing on their faith and worrying....

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Monday Meme: Nothing is Impossible… with God

Hope.

We hope to attain what we do not have.

Little ones write letters to Santa about what they want.  Moms and Dads try to shop without breaking the bank.  Preparations for Christmas abound, and we can easily be distracted from what is really important.

Our salvation.  That’s the end game.

That is so easily forgotten during this season, but now is the exact time to incorporate our end game into our busy schedules. That’s when God comes in.  Who knows what role he’ll play?  We don’t have to worry about that.  We have a great example.  A young woman trusted him 2000 years ago to become a single, unmarried mother and gave birth to God.

So while we have our daily toil and special plans for Advent and Christmas, we still need to focus on our souls.  That is why we do what we do.

We hope to attain the beatific vision:  heaven.

God, Family, Work

Via my distant cousin/relative Nick Ball:

“Our family is a classic one of hard working immigrants, who got the ‘American Dream’ by putting God, family, work in that order. Then working every day to make it happen.........no one gave our family anything. Everything they got and passed to us; it was not luck, but hard work.”

I wish every history and social studies book in America had that statement engraved in the front pages.  Life has no guarantees.  No handouts either.  Government entitlements can be given.  Or taken away.

Quite often, we moms want to help our kids, and we end up doing more for them than we should.  If our kids don’t learn from their mistakes, they may end up relying on their parents well into adulthood. So while it's hard to see them struggle through life's hardships, it is a necessary lesson.  Again, my cousin states the lesson well:

“Everyone wants to help their kids. I see no problem in this, but making it easy for them just makes them dependent on Mom & Dad or the government instead of themselves. No one likes to see their kids struggle. But it is in the struggle that the true character of what they learn from home comes into play and benefits them in the long run...........Doing too much for your kids handicaps them in life and since things come easy if given, the incentive to work hard is destroyed......why work? ...there is always Mom and Dad or Uncle Sam!”

This applies to all kids.  As one of my sons stated, he has to face the real world.

Thus, the priorities are set:  God, family, work.

Mary, We are Out of Wine!

MARY, WE ARE OUT OF WINE!

It seems like a lifetime ago. Two homes ago. I was the servant leader of an organized group of Catholic military women (mostly spouses of Army men) at Fort Leavenworth, KS. This was a very large and very active group.  We met weekly for fellowship, prayer, and bible study.  I remember there was an especially difficult time.  It seemed like everyone was just pressed a little tighter with worries about our soldiers, next duty assignments, looming deployments, planning moves, uprooting our children to start over (yet again), in addition to all the “normal” ankle-biters of everyday life.  In the midst of all this stress, one of the ladies (one of my longest-time and dearest friends), cried out in anguish during our group prayer time, “Mary, we are out of wine.”  I remember the tears, the emotions, and the silence as we all realized that was the perfect prayer.  

When we are pressed beyond what we think we can manage, when life crashes and rumbles around us, when we do not know how to handle one more crisis, Mamma Mary is there.  Just as she was there for the bride and groom at Cana.  She is our safe harbor.  She is our resting place.  She will intercede for us to her Son.  

“Mary, we are out of wine.” became our code for “life is really hard right now, and I need extra prayers.”  It also became a reminder that when we turn to Mary in our prayers, we are also turning to her Son. After all, the shortest path to Jesus is always through Mary.  When I left that Fort Leavenworth, my parting gift from this lovely group of women was a wine bottle charm for a bracelet I never take off. Whenever I notice the charm I remember.

So in this week that we celebrate the Immaculate Heart of Mary, remember the short and simple prayer, “Mary, we are out of wine.”  Let her fill you up and give you peace.

Monday Meme: The Need to be More Like Mary

Yesterday's Gospel always gets under my skin, but I'm glad that it does. Every time I hear the story of Mary and Martha, it seems as though the timing is perfect. I'm usually in need of a reminder that I can actually be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend if I spend time with Jesus first. The grace that Jesus gives us through the sacraments is by far more life-giving than an extra 5 minutes straightening the living room or putting toys away. Neither of those tasks is intrinsically bad, but Jesus is reminding us that we need to prioritize. Boy oh boy, do I need that reminder sometimes!

Monday Meme: The Call to Faithfulness

I love this quote attributed to Mother Teresa (soon to be St. Mother Teresa!!) I think it applies to so
many areas of our lives including: marriage, motherhood, sisterhood, friendship, our finances, our
hobbies, etc.

We aren't always going to attain the goal we originally set out for and that's okay because God is
looking at the journey, too. How do we respond to the setbacks, the failures, the fear, the aches, the
suffering? Do we turn to prayer? Do we ask for help? Are we making use of the sacraments? Are we
fasting?

God just wants us to keep going, to keep praying, to keep loving, to never stop being faithful to that
which He has called us. I promise you, without a doubt, that He is always there for you.

Monday Meme: God Never Makes a Mistake

Years ago I was haunted by the thought that I could only make defective kids.  I had five boys, all diagnosed with special needs. Then I miscarried my sixth.  Six babies.  None perfect.  “Defective babies” tormented me.  Prayer ranged from screams to whimpers, and gave little peace or solace.  I often wondered if the Good Lord ever made a mistake.  How does He expect me to raise these boys?

People have offered words of encouragement, such as, "You'll be fine." "You're strong." "You can do it." "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."

Really?

Dear God,
I really have NO clue what to do here.  I think you have me mixed up with someone else.
Waiting for my replacement,
Me.

A replacement has never come.  So onward I go with a ton of questions.  Why did God give me boys with disabilities?  How can I raise them to be the men He wants them to be?  How long do I keep pushing them?  Will they be independent?

Dear God,
Help me.  Guide me.
You know who,
Me.

I wish I had the answers.  I muster strength to do what I think is right.  I try.  I fail.  I muddle through.  The years have been tough, but somehow I am still here!  The boys have progressed beyond what doctors ever thought possible!

Now, a mom will ask, "How do you do it? How do you manage?  How do you not go insane?" I smile, and I answer, "I don't do it; it’s not me." The mom might smile back or think I'm crazy.

I explain, “I pray a lot.” The boys' progress and my sanity are acts of faith. I am not always fine, and certainly not always strong. I have shed a tear or two. I have indulged in an occasional "pity party". Then I pick myself up and go.

Dear God,
What do you want done today?
Me.

Prayer has always been the key.  Whether that scream, whimper, or quiet silence, I can look back now and see God’s hand.  Daily, God gave me MORE than I could handle.  Daily, I had a choice of trusting Him or not.  HE has been the source of strength and courage.  He is the reason I am still here.

The Good Lord definitely knows what he is doing.  I still have no clue.  However, I see my boys thrive in their endeavors. They still have a tough road ahead, but they give a lot of people with autism hope.  I still cling to God to see it all to the end.

Monday Meme: WARNING! WARNING! Brain on overload!

Do you ever feel run down?

Too many things going on at once?

Your head spinning because it's trying to process/plan umpteen things and you cannot even successfully accomplish ONE thing?

Yeah, me too!  My bet is every person who reads this has felt this way at least once in their lives.  Me?  It's my normal every day life....  when you have a eight mouths and bellies to feed, those same eight bodies to keep clean and clothed, those same eight brains to stimulate and teach multiple subjects to, and last but not least, the same eight souls to feed spiritually and nourish with love daily, your one brain becomes accustomed to planning/thinking/processing way more than it can handle.   So how do you survive this chaos going on inside your brain?  How do keep your cool without blowing it?  How do you make sense of the multi-tasking that causes spinning out of control?  How do you find peace amongst the chaos?

Through Him.
With Him.
And in Him.  

Yes, it is by God reaching His mighty hand down upon my overloaded mommy brain and bringing meaning and sense of the very busy vocation in which He has called me.

"Though the mountains leave their place
and the hills be shaken,
My love shall never leave you
nor my covenant of peace be shaken,
says the Lord, who has mercy on you."
~Isaiah 54: 10

He come to us.  He dwells within us.  He dwells all around us.  He brings us a sense of peace.  If we but.....   Stop.  Look.  and Listen.  For me, this can be done in many ways....

• say a prayer - something so simple as, "Lord, I need You", "Please take this over for me...", "Saint ***fill-in-the-blank***, pray for me".  Calling on Our Lady and offering up "Hail Mary's" can also bring about a beautiful sense of calm as well.  

• scoop up a kiddo, smooch them, and go read them a book/play a game with them/or just snuggle them - Seriously!  There is something about distracting yourself from the constant commotion inside with the beauty God's presence in the children He gave you right here, right now.  Distract your overloaded brain and focus instead on their innocence, their love, and the presence of Our Lord within them.  

• go to the bathroom and shut the door - for prayer, quiet time, alone time, but remember you have been forewarned....  

• turn on some music - for me, it's Christian music (K-Love, Matt Maher, etc....).  And some make-you-wanna-plug-your-ears singing may follow.  And dancing.  Yes - dancing around the kitchen!  

• and if you are so blessed to be able to sneak away to get a Son Tan, spending time in adoration is a given that can bring you a peace like no other.  But as a busy momma in the middle of her day, it's not always easy to pack up and leave or possibly to run away to run to Him.  This needs to be a somewhat planned thing for me. 

What brings you peace??

What can you do to calm the go-go-go inside your head?  

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Now as an aside, and so you can all laugh at/with me, I had to share my computer screen when I was busy typing this post.... (hint:  focus on the top)

Do you see the multiple tabs open?  Yikes!!  Yes, it's okay to count them....  16 tabs!!!!  You see, I was trying to do way too much at one time - go figure!!!  Not only was I writing this post, but I was also printing labels for a return, reading the new Catholic Icing blog post on Lent, and perusing Pinterest to get new ideas for St. Valentine's day.  And, yes, this is normal computer surfing for me.  (sigh)  All gung ho with doing so much at once, and most of the time, my computer in trying to keep up with my clicking and multiple open tabs often freezes and freaks out at me anyways.  Shall I take this as a hint??  Ummm, yeah....

Breathe, sweet momma....

Slow down....

And, connect to Him, the King of Peace....